I’m a Little Nuts

So, a little about me? Well, I recently lost my job. And by recently, I mean almost two years ago, and I’m still pretty pissed about it. It caused an entire life change. I went from being the bread winner, the money maker, the stable one, to the person with no direction, no ambition, no goals, and no idea what the hell I’m supposed to do in my life. So I went back to school. Now, I’ve nearly completed my associates degree in a program I love, but I’m still not convinced that it’s the career path I want to take. I like my old job. I love my old job. I loved the company. I loved most of the people. Whenever I hear about the goings-on of the business, I have a tendency to want to cry because I miss it so bad.

I’m a little neurotic. Okay, I’m a lot neurotic. I don’t try to be, but you get in a habit and it’s just hard to get out of. I spent the better part of six months on my couch staring at Sex in the City reruns and refusing to step outside. Everything outside was bad. If I stayed in, nothing could hurt me. I didn’t realize at the time that I was just hurting myself. Finally, my husband gave me the old heave-ho in the direction of the doctor’s office to have me evaluated.

Sure enough, I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder (well there’s a big surprise) and was prescribed medication. I’ve now been on it for about six months or so. I have found it completely and utterly annoying. I hate taking it. It helps some, but mostly it just makes me speak my mind. My filter is gone. If I think you’re stupid, I will tell you I think you’re stupid and in every single capacity that stupid comes in. My friends think I’m funny. I happen to think I’m an asshole.

My fuse is short. I guess it always has been, but for the last few years, I’ve been pretty mellow. It hasn’t been until recently that there was a risk of implosion. This is bad mainly because I have four kids: two teens, a four (almost five) year old, and a three year old. All four of them play their parts very well. They most definitely keep me on my toes. When they’re not being wolves disguised in sheep’s clothing, we’re usually dealing with a medical issue of some kind, whether it be a cold or digestive issues for my oldest (that’s where I’m at while I’m writing this).

I’m the planner of the family. I book the vacations, I plan the family gatherings, I make all the bill payments,and I set all of the family’s appointments. A few months ago I made the horrible mistake of doing a hard reset on my phone and it wiped out my calendar, which was not saved on the cloud. Our life was in uproar until three weeks ago.

I guess the most important thing to know about me is that I could literally say anything at anytime, and for any reason. You just never know what you’re going to get with me. This blog started out as an assignment for an English class I’m taking, but I’ve grown to love it so much, I just can’t quit using it. It has essentially become my outlet. Which is good. I need an outlet. Because I’m all kinds of effed up.

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